Author: Andrew

Andrew is a web developer by day. He has played drums nearly all his life, creates music whenever possible, and always needs a hug. He has worked as a level designer for a small online video game, as the grim reaper in a haunted house, and traded web design for concert tickets and tattoos. In years past, he could be found performing improvised comedy or stage magic in the south side of Austin, Texas.
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William Malone Lovefest – Interlude

My first experience with William Malone’s work was almost certainly among the three episodes of Freddy’s Nightmares that he directed.   Tales From the Crypt was also a much beloved show, when HBO was made available to my brother and I through our parents.

Although the Internet Movie Database and my own research show no full length motion pictures between Creature (1985) and House on Haunted Hill (1999), the significant leap in quality suggest that he was learning his craft very well.

I can’t prove it, but would be willing to bet money that my folks chewed me out for staying up too late on another Saturday to watch Freddy’s Nightmares.  I did it every week.  It is also a near certainty that it was worth it to me on a weekly basis to endure the lectures.  It was worth it every week.

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William Malone Love Fest – Creature

Synopsis:

An interstellar vessel on a mission to claim resources before a rival corporation can lay claim crash lands on an alien planet.  The meager crew is then toyed with and hunted by an extraterrestrial terror.

In any given twenty minute stretch there is probably something to really like about this movie.  Unfortunately there seemed to be no cohesive whole to make one entertaining motion picture.  William Malone would go on to do television for over a decade after this, and he thankfully got better over time.

Creature begins fairly well.  Scenes are shot with attention to mood and color in a way that few low budget or horror films ever seem to even think of.

Once the ship reaches its destination, we are treated to talking.  A lot of talking.  William Malone can typically direct a really fun character driven movie.  Creature, sadly, was not one of them.

Some fan service arrives.  Nudity.  Gore.  Amazing gore.  Some of it outright memorable.

Finally, the conclusion draws itself out with the same pacing problems that really crushed the rest of the feature.

Thoughts while watching:

Blood and gore effects are light years beyond Scared to Death.  It takes some time for the horror element to kick in, but it’s fun once it does.

On the subject of time:  The first 20-25 minutes had some beautiful work with colors and lights.  Everything between that and the 50 minute mark is really generic science fiction.   A number of these characters resemble each other in almost every way.  They fill the logical and different roles as the ship’s crew, and provide a greater body count.

Some really fun horror begins after that 50 minute mark.  Malone’s work with visual and makeup effects is as much improved as the gore.  The monsters look like monsters.  The corpses look like corpses.  The things in between are a treat for the eyes.

The characters split up to explore a strange, labyrinthine space ship.  In House on Haunted Hill, the characters will split up to explore a strange, labyrinthine basement.  Never split up.  You’re stuck in the strange labyrinthine place, so there will be plenty of time to explore as a cohesive unit.

In closing

The alien acts like a compendium of all things great about alien movies.  From cold-war body snatchers to early 80s slime-covered monstrosities, this creature does it all.   The design and execution are a large and very welcome improvement over the Syngenor from Scared to Death.  What could have been a simple imitation of the H.R. Geiger Alien is given a lot of personality and a whole toolbox of evil tricks.  This is cool.   Blood looks like blood, and less like orange corn syrup.   There is so much going for this movie on the way in.

Sadly, the movie lacked good characters or rhythm.  Characters were either forgettably generic or wildly unbelievable.  The mission leader started as the unbelievable type and eventually became just another face.  Malone’s talents for characterization were squandered on useless characters.

If this movie would have found its rhythm, then even those faults could have been overlooked.  Enough heads are mangled, mutilated, or even blown up to make an excellent popcorn movie.  In fact, were I a character in that movie then I would want my last name legally changed to “Not In The Face.”  That way my name patch would be humorously juxtaposed against the most common cause of death in outer space.

Creature, in short, did not live up to its potential.  There are brief, wonderful glimpses of something great trying to break through.  For reasons I won’t speculate on, they never get that chance.

William Malone would go on to make very entertaining movies.  If not, then I would not be writing this.  I hate to write a “love fest” and write of my dislike for any of the works.  This is thankfully going to be the only down note of the entire project.

Before moving on to House on Haunted Hill, I want to briefly touch on the television work that Malone did.  It was a sincere surprise to look him up on IMDB and associate his name with some favorite television shows.  Whatever Malone learned in those times would also go on to bring about one of the best moviegoing experiences that I ever had.

There’s an up-note to end this love fest entry on after all.

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Balance Issues in Pen & Paper Roleplaying

My brother used to run Shadowrun games at conventions, back in the days of the 2nd and 3rd Edition rulebooks.  He could look at a party of power-gaming assault types, flowery role players, and quiet support characters, and give them all an important part of the story.

The assault type had to shoot down the doors to get everyone in.  The mage could usually help.  The rigger had his drone on the scene to record everything for verification purposes.  The face sweet talked the client for more money, then sweet talked the opponent into letting the party through with a minimal of damage taken before the inevitable firefight would start.  The insane Raven shaman could show off for the camera hooked up to the drone.

So now I’m looking at gaming again.  My wife and I both used to be avid gamers, and we want to play some more.  Yet so much of what I see is “lack of balance.”  This is true if your game is one-dimensional.  Shoot everything.  Talk a lot.  Pure stealth.

So, honestly, just look at the character sheets.  Look at the players.  Adding a spur of the moment detail to your game to include everyone rather than blaming the rules will not only make the session more fun, but make it more memorable.

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Scared to Death

Scared To Death

Directed by William Malone, Co-Written by William Malone.

Synopsis:
Ted Lonegran is a retired detective turned writer. Now seemingly carefree, he finds himself drawn into romance and ready to face the world again as an adult. His former partner, however, draws him into investigating a horrific string of murders. Even more terrifying is the true face of the murderer. How many more people will be scared to death by this creature?

Thoughts as I watch:

The movie is playing.  This is what I think of it as it happens.

William Malone’s first full length movie begins with a yellow road sign reading the solitary word “end.” Thankfully, this was only the beginning. By the 4 minute mark, we are treated to the best kind of gratuitous horror movie nudity: the elusive full frontal.

My inner 16 year old already loves this movie.

My inner 16 year old is also feeling nostalgic. Phones that didn’t leave the table. Big hair. Cigarettes everywhere. Brown paper bags. Component stereo systems and twelve inches of black vinyl love. Electric typewriters with no “undo” feature. I remember living like that! William Malone as “Alex Waverly” is just a fun treat, given the nature of this blogging project.

And a love scene. First half of the woman’s eyeshadow abruptly vanishes. Then, she looks more than a little bored right as the act commences. Or maybe she’s really in the zone.

That has to have been the most effective use of roller skates I have ever seen in a horror film. In all film, I doubt anything can match the roller skates at end of Rock & Rule.  This was cool enough to remind me of that.

Interesting choice of colors on this telephone conversation. Shades of blue on one end, shades of brown on the other. Each character’s shirt, phone, and backdrop all possessing a common hue. I would normally not think twice about this if not for having skimmed over Creature.

The blood effects get better as the movie goes on.

This woman looks like Velma from Scooby Doo with Joey Ramone’s hair. I find it extremely compelling, but can’t tell if it’s really hot or really unattractive.

Final Thoughts

The pacing was very interesting. Much of Scared to Death is relaxed, taking its time to let us know the characters before they meet the Syngenor. At times the relaxed pace borders on awkward, but it was really hard to launch a protest during that first drawn out nude scene.

You can definitely see that this movie came from a different time. All of that is nearly periphery. The focus on characters over the easier horror elements does a lot to make the technology less noticeable. The plot is almost ahead of its time, more resembling late 90s Japanese science fiction than late 70s creature features.

And the creature? Most of what we see is its face, which is a good thing. William Malone’s background is deeply rooted in monster effects, and it showed from the neck up. The biggest problem with the rest of the Syngenor is that none of its unique features were put to any use. Had it used those spikes for defense, offense, or simply its main purpose of eating, then the Syngenor itself would have appeared much scarier without a single change to its design.

The characters themselves are an eclectic mix of 1970s influence with 1980s buddy cop tones.

Overall, I can strongly see this movie mirrored against Parasomnia. Despite being a creature feature with Malone’s artwork at the purpose of the story, the focus is on the characters. This is what Malone does when he’s in charge: He draws us in with the lure of his artistic eye, and keeps us in with a story about his characters.

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On the other hand…

Posting from work/shopping/anywhere else from a smart phone is really nice too. I’m also thinking of repurposing my Nokia into s portable media player. It has always done s great job of that.

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William Malone Love Fest – Prologue

The last two comments on this blog have been kind of negative.  I really would prefer to keep things on a happier note.  And so I am beginning a project: The William Malone Lovefest.

William Malone is a writer and director.  His big moment to shine was the 1999 remake of House on Haunted Hill.  He has been directing (formally) since 1981’s Scared to Death.

My introduction to his work was no doubt his turn at the Director’s Chair on the television show Freddy’s Nightmares. Freddy’s Nightmares was a near religious experience that was worth staying up all hours of the night to watch.  So what if I was in sixth grade and the show didn’t come on until 2:30am?  I was a die-hard fan of the show, and can say with certainty that his work was enjoyed in the middle of the night on my brother’s 12″ black and white television set.

House on Haunted Hill was an oddity of the 1990s.  The movie was not a slasher, and not a comedy with some blood thrown in.  House on Haunted Hill was a roller coaster ride custom built for the big screen and for the large, loud speaker system playing along with it.   Nearly every aspect of the film was designed to scare the audience.  The house creaked and moaned constantly.  The set design featured the most deviant basement everyone never wanted to go into.  The ghosts lived in their own world of terror that bled into ours.  Finally, the movie did not shy away from gore.  I am by no means a gorehound.  Yet when neither shied away from or added gratuitously, a good deal of gore can turn an unsettling moment into a terrifying one.  (Also see Clive Barker’s Candyman for the excellent use of well-timed splatter.)

These are the reasons why House on Haunted Hill still remains the single most frightening movie experience I have had in a movie theater.  The 90s were a sinkhole of comedic horror films and unwatchable slashers.  Malone and Barker stood out as the only two directors to even frighten me in that entire decade.

A One Sheet Poster for Parasomnia signed by William Malone
A One Sheet Poster for Parasomnia signed by William Malone

So what brings me to this point is Malone’s newest film, Parasomnia.   I fell in love with the artwork on the site.  This is classic, beautiful, and a style all-but given up on by the current crop of horror movies.  This appreciation for both Malone’s prior work and the art for Parasomnia ultimately inspired a quest of sorts.  The quest has led to a poster for the film, signed by the writer / director himself.

Over the next couple of weeks, I will load up my laptop, put one of Malone’s movies in the DVD player, and review the movies.  House On Haunted Hill and FearDotCom enough times that those films will probably be enjoyed with the Director’s Commentary enabled.   As much as I wish a proper release was available for Freddy’s Nightmares, or that finances allowed the purchase of Tales from the Crypt Season 6 on a whim, this project will be committed to Malone’s longer works:

These movies will be reviewed in roughly chronological order.  There is a good chance that Creature will still be the first movie tackled.  Scared to Death is currently on its way from Amazon, and will be reviewed no later than second.

Parasomnia will be released on DVD in the United States on July 31, 2010 as of this writing.  It has already found European distribution, and I will have no problem paying for two different pressings of this movie.

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More of the GeoCities Migration

The biggest reason I had for clearing out the Geocities space was to keep my Downtown Nowhere pages alive.

Downloading the files to a separate folder then uploading them by FTP to their new home was a breeze.  Getting Google and Yahoo and the other search engines to see that the pages have a newhome was going to be more difficult.

For the time being, I’m taking the advice of this artice: How to Deal with the Geocities Closure.  I will also try to report back after a few weeks have passed.

Finally, I may create a new section of this site to host my old page, just for laughs and nostalgia.