Well, I’ll start with a numbered list of all the things I do watch.
- Whatever the kids are watching
- Sanctuary – It vaguely reminds me of the original Worlds of Darkness games.
Now an easy unordered list of things I don’t watch.
Sports of any kind. Exceptions are only made if I am sick in bed and women’s tennis is on. Yes, I’m a pig.
Sitcoms. Here’s how the series ends: Yes they go to bed together then the show jumps the shark. The series continues to drag on for another two seasons before getting put down like an old dog with three legs and one testicle – even if the dog used to be a female.
Raunchy Cartoons. I was watching the Simpsons when they were a short feature on the Tracy Ullman show done by “that guy who draws Life in Hell in the free paper at the record store.” I saw Matt & Trey’s Christmas short online before South Park was a tv series. In these cases, I just grew out of it but still respect the shows. The Nth generation piggybackers of these shows will actually infuriate me. Please stop shouting Family Guy catchphrases like you just had a clever thought. The truth is, someone else had a lame thought and you just copied it.
Anime. Back in my day, at least half of AD Vision’s catalog was animated softcore. Kimagure Orange Road was actually stocked on store shelves. People knew who Rumiko Takahashi was for more than Ranma 1/2. People knew what Ranma 1/2 was. This isn’t to say that I threw away my Project A-ko dvds or won’t watch Slayers with my wife. It’s just that I don’t care about the generic crap that Adult Swim shows. Badu Ashimo has a secretive past and is really good with his signature weapon. He now has a lot of adventures with teal-haired women at his side and makes funny jokes after expertly dispatching his enemies. Will he keep laughing when the dark plot unfolds?
Anything with Joss Whedon’s name on it. I did watch the last season of Angel, when everyone apparently decided to actually make a fun television show. Otherwise it’s a bunch of skinny people with perfect hair who live in the same building/house/spaceship/secret government lab/whatever and live a fantasic soap opera.
Soap Operas. Intimate relations are much better enjoyed in person than vicariously through people made out of silicon.
Mysterious Conspiracies. Those Heroes who Lost 24 Dollhouses. It’s not entertaining when my kids won’t tell me why all the leftover pizza is smeared all over the kitchen floor. I won’t even give the kids five minutes to give me a good answer. Why would I wait five years to get one from a television show?
News. Nothing but dead people and Toyota commercials.
Anything else. It’s a trite but honest thing to say. I’m not going to watch it.
I have Netflix and a dvd player for those few television shows that are worth my time. Please don’t ask if I have seen the latest episode of whatever. I haven’t. Please don’t go into explaining whatever joke you borrowed from the television. I don’t care. That’s why I won’t watch it.
He has worked as a level designer for a small online video game, as the grim reaper in a haunted house, and traded web design for concert tickets and tattoos.In years past, he could be found performing improvised comedy or stage magic in the south side of Austin, Texas.
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